Friday, October 24, 2008

A quick note

I'd like to point out the precarious position I put myself in to take the photos posted below. I have a history of receiving some of the most severe eye injuries [one that nearly resulted in a cornea transplant]. So I'm a bit leery of pointed objects in the general vicinity of my face. Take a look at this photo:

What you've probably immediately noticed are the numerous spikes protruding from Watain's touring guitarist's shin guard. This gent [apologies...I don't know what his name is...let's call him Spike] spent a good deal of time onstage directly in front of me. Spike also had a tendency to prop his leg up on the monitor directly in front of me. This meant that Spikes spikes were literally a couple of inches from not only my face...but my eyes.

I considered reaching out and touching the spikes to see if they were made of metal or some sort of rubber or plastic. But I thought that Spike might not enjoy me touching his spikes and would show his disdain be sending said spikes through my skull. So I merely made sure his spikes didn't get to close to me.

The same can't be said for the douchenozzle next to me hoisting invisible oranges [you can see him holding one in the photo]. This was not the Ell-Hag referred to in my earlier post. No, this DN had invisible oranges in each hand and was clearly proud of his invisible fruit as he felt the need to swing and wave his arms all over the place. But it gets better.

Sometimes the DN would squeeze his invisible oranges. Of course this resulted in invisible orange juice spilling all over the place. We all know how sticky orange juice can get. Just imagine how treacherous it is when you can't see the orange juice. But he's not done yet.

After squeezing the life out of his invisible oranges he produces new invisible oranges in each hand. This is ridiculous. I'm not sure where he was hiding all of those invisible oranges. He seemed to have a veritable invisible fruit stand stashed in his pockets. And trust me, I wasn't the only one less than thrilled at having to deal with his invisible fruit hijinks.

That is why I am urging all concert venues to begin searching people for invisible fruit at entry. Invisible fruit is no doubt a part of a healthy diet but it has no business being brought into a performance space.

1 comment:

madwhimsy said...

INvisible oranges??? I am LAUGHING OUT LOUD over here!

Glad to hear you didn't get your eye pierced again.