Yes, yes...I know you're all waiting to hear about last night's black metal hootenanny. And it will happen later today.
But something occurred at the show that I felt was of such urgency that it should be shared ASAP. I witnessed a creature that I have never heard about. I've never even considered the possibility of its existence. But let me tell you...it is definitely real.
I'm sure you're thinking that I saw Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, a chupacabra, or one of those Geico cavepersons. No...it was something far more rare. Prepare yourself for complete shock as I tell you about...
The left-handed air guitarist.
I realize that you're thinking "lots of dunderheads at concerts play air guitar." And I'm not denying that. Hell, lots of 'em don't even need to be at a concert to break out their imaginary axe. But up to this point every air guitarist that I've seen has been of the right-handed variety.
Now you're thinking "so the guy plays air guitar with a different hand. What's the big deal?" I'll tell you what the big deal is. It's a very subtle difference that would likely only be noticed through careful observation of the Ell-Hag.
The Ell-Hag's right handed brethren, while playing their oxygenated instruments, are prone to raising the horns, throwing the goat, whatever you wanna call that hand sign that's of unknown origin [though credited to Ronnie James Dio]. But Ell-Hag does not do these things. No...he does something far more puzzling.
Ell-Hag hoists invisible oranges into the air.
Be wary of any Ell-Hags you may encounter. They may be a peaceful bunch. But then again the invisible fruit may be a sinister attempt to lower the defenses of those who cross its path. I will continue to keep my eyes open for another Ell-Hag. And you should as well. Only through combining our shared observations will we be able to put together a proper character profile befitting of a creature of such rarity.