Friday, October 24, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: Mythological [???] creature sighted. For real!!!

Yes, yes...I know you're all waiting to hear about last night's black metal hootenanny. And it will happen later today.

But something occurred at the show that I felt was of such urgency that it should be shared ASAP. I witnessed a creature that I have never heard about. I've never even considered the possibility of its existence. But let me tell is definitely real.

I'm sure you're thinking that I saw Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, a chupacabra, or one of those Geico cavepersons. was something far more rare. Prepare yourself for complete shock as I tell you about...

The left-handed air guitarist.

I realize that you're thinking "lots of dunderheads at concerts play air guitar." And I'm not denying that. Hell, lots of 'em don't even need to be at a concert to break out their imaginary axe. But up to this point every air guitarist that I've seen has been of the right-handed variety.

Now you're thinking "so the guy plays air guitar with a different hand. What's the big deal?" I'll tell you what the big deal is. It's a very subtle difference that would likely only be noticed through careful observation of the Ell-Hag.

The Ell-Hag's right handed brethren, while playing their oxygenated instruments, are prone to raising the horns, throwing the goat, whatever you wanna call that hand sign that's of unknown origin [though credited to Ronnie James Dio]. But Ell-Hag does not do these things. No...he does something far more puzzling.

Ell-Hag hoists invisible oranges into the air.

Be wary of any Ell-Hags you may encounter. They may be a peaceful bunch. But then again the invisible fruit may be a sinister attempt to lower the defenses of those who cross its path. I will continue to keep my eyes open for another Ell-Hag. And you should as well. Only through combining our shared observations will we be able to put together a proper character profile befitting of a creature of such rarity.

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